Illusive Infatuation

Illusive Infatuation Growing up I did non believe in the concept of do and long term relationships. My family members consisted of mainly wizard women. All of which were bitter and unable to maintain healthy relationships with men. Divorce seemed to be second nature to me. My bewilder along with s perpetuallyal other close female members set out all been married three or more times. This made me want to stray away from relationships and fare in general. As I got sometime(a) I veridicalized that most of the time they seemed to rush into passionateness establish impinge on early infatuation, lust, and their biologic clocks ticking.I have learned from all of their situations. I realized that m whatever people, not just in my family, marry rapidly based off love at first sight. It seems umteen dont seem to defy the time to know the person they be committing to. It makes me revere what the rush is all about. I have decided to put a three year hold backing period on any r elationships I enter. I want to make sure I know some maven and that I am marrying for more than love and infatuation. I do not want to fall in the deception of confuse puppy love with the real thing. I have based my realizations off of my personal experiences.I do wonder if t present have been accounts of people marrying in short periods of time and actually staying together for 20 or more years. I have heard of instances of arranged marriages working out in that manner scarce most were kept for political or family reasons. I have yet to see a accepted story of a couple marrying during the fascination phase of early relationships and actually staying together. I would like to look for more into the depths of how and why we fall in love. Is it possible for someone such as myself to find ecstasy even when I have notwithstanding seen the negative outcomes in relationships?Is devastation the better option? As a child of a divorcee, it led me to relish hopeless and apprehensive towards commitment. In Eve LaPlantes article entitled Breakfast she states that Like many offspring of divorce, I grew up with a moving sense of loss. Besidesthe trauma of the breakup and its aftermath, theres the prolonged pain of missingone parent and the security of an intact family. During my teens, I dreamed of afuture happy family, but believed my chances of ever attaining one were in? nitesimal. I felt inadequate as a potential marital mate my parents divorce servedas a scar. (LaPlante, 476 ) This excerpt was comforting. This was exactly how I felt through most of my jr. years all the way up until adulthood. I felt hopeless and considered any relationships that I pursue to be temporary. LaPlante, however, isnt discouraged for long. She abolishs up falling in love. This article is actually written cardinal years after marrying her soulmate. She says her success is based off of the ability to be grateful for comparative felicitousness (LaPlante,476 ). I took this to mean that even though marriage is not perfect, if they compared their happiness to others they would be satisfied.This article in spades made me feel as if there is still hope for my own wild-eyed future. The fact that her medical prognosis went from a bitter young woman that dreaded the idea of marriage and was almost turned off marriage forever (LaPlante,476) to a charismatic happily married woman is astounding. She states that coupling is good for my frame as well as my soul. I like my physical self more than I did before. David ? nds me beautiful, which helps me feel beautiful. To be known by him is part of the pleasure we have nothing to hide. I ? d every(prenominal) humandetail of him delightful, no less so as we age (LaPlante,477). It gives me the feeling that my past does not have to determine my future. My outlook croupe change. Even with the success shown in LaPlantes article I do realize that those results are not al ways typical. Is devastation the better solution? It would allow me to climb up over the failures, heartbreaks, and all the awkwardness in between. In the article Loneliness and Isolation by dungaree M. Twenge she states that Isolation and loneliness readily result to anxiety and depression. A mountain ofscienti? evidence links loneliness (and beingness alone) with negative mental healthoutcomes. Single and divorced people are signi? cantly more plausibly to become depressed or suffer other mental health problems. Even people in unhappy marriages are happier than those who divorce. (Twenge, 456) This leads me to believe that even an unhappy marriage is better than going through purport alone. I am not sure I entirely believe that. I understand that loneliness can account for severe depression but I call up there are many other things we can focus on throughout conduct that make us happy.The reference to her acquaintanceship Peter is very saddening. He spends his time being rejected via personal ads and spends his weekends a lone. I honestly think he could take up some other hobby, make friends, and enjoy life in other ways rather than just searching for a mate. A very good example of why disbursal all your time searching for love and maintaining relationships does not always work is displayed in the authors story of Leslie The cycle of meeting someone, falling in love and breaking up is a practice for anxiety and depression. .. In college, many people ? nd that their romantic relationships are a lifeline in an otherwise unaccompanied placeuntil the relationship ends. Leslie, 20, went through a breakup a month ago. He was basically my whole life besides school and family, she says. Now I am very lonely and depressed because I dont have many friends and the friends I do have are all away at their colleges. (Twenge,455) If Leslie did not devote all her time to her relationship and her quest for love and so she would not have lost as much as she did. It seems as if it works twain ways.Breakups and di vorces can lead to depression just as fast as loneliness. It seems that either way you end up taking a risk. The fact that divorce rates for first marriages are at 41% (DivorceRate. org ) is even more a deterrent from marriage. I still believe I would rather take my chances with loneliness. I believe I would end up losing far less and involving less people. What exactly is love? I know that I cannot possibly keep up this idea of romanticism for a lifetime. at that place must be much more to real love outside of the idea of love based off bray and lust.In the article Grown up love by Joan Konner she states that In America we croak in a culture that glori? es passionate, romantic love. Ourfriends are in love, dreaming or air castle of it, waiting and dating to fall intoit. Women and men begin new lives in love. Romantic love is our inspiration, our wantour reason to be. Romance is a cultural obsession, an imperial ideal. We believe that love can be found, here and now and forever, in an instant, acrossa crowded roomor tomorrow, just around the corner. It canbut rarely. In reality, womanise is more ? eting and more dangerousthan we are told, more complicated than we could have imagined, more elusivethan weve been led to believe. Love is a promise made every day only to bebroken tomorrow. ( Konner, 485) This goes deeper into the psyche that most of us have as we grow older. Our culture glorifies romantic love, lust, and passion rather than the actual hardships of maintaining real love. It makes us to believe that we cannot live a fulfilled life without it. We are fed fairytales of lifelong love, princes with magic kisses, and images of happy families in the media.We never truly learn the contrast between infatuation, romance, and real love. The author states that she wants to distinguish love from romance, to explore the ideal of true love, or real love (Konner,485). We often cannot determine the difference between temporary infatuation and puppy love. Thi s could be another main focus in the causes of divorce and breakups. The author goes on to say that The fact that we say romance when we mean love showsus that underneath our language there is a psychological muddle. .. We are con- fusing ii great psychological systems within us, and this has a devastating effecton our lives and our relationships (Konner,485) . This inability to separate romance from real life could be the reason why many tend to marry so quickly based off those initial feelings rather than taking the time to actually fall in love with someone completely. I have learned that no matter what lifestyle I choose whether it is being a wife or a happily single woman that it will come with hardships. If I am ever able to find someone that I am truly compatible with then I should take more time to get to know them.I should develop a foundation and wait for the initial infatuation and romance phase to subside so that I can make a clear decision on a lifelong commitment. I no longer believe that I am prey to the past of my family members when it comes to romance. I just need to make better decisions in choosing a mate and if I cant find one then I can lead a happy life regardless. I should find fulfillment within myself rather than completely discover in a mate for it. Works Cited Konner, Joan. Grown Up Love. The Aims of Argument A textbook and Reader. By Timothy W. Crusius and Carolyn E. Channell. 7th ed.New York, NY McGraw-Hill, 2011. 485-87. Print. LePlante, Eve. Breakfasts. The Aims of Argument A Text and Reader. By Timothy W. Crusius and Carolyn E. Channell. 7th ed. New York, NY McGraw-Hill, 2011. 475-78. Print. Marriage and Divorce. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 05 Oct. 2010. Web. 26 Feb. 2012. . Twenge, Jean M. Loneliness and Isolation. The Aims of Argument A Text and Reader. By Timothy W. Crusius and Carolyn E. Channell. 7th ed. New York, NY McGraw-Hill, 2011. 454-57. Print.